Every person living in this world has to face various critical points from birth to death. Among them, marriage is the most prominent decisive factor. It is common to see people who are unable to make a proper decision about marriage in the face of the current exciting and mechanical social pattern. Let us examine what is the opinion of Buddhism about the unique phenomenon called marriage.
According to Buddhism, what is called marriage?
In order to have a successful lay life, marriage is definitely necessary. Unmarried lay life is unsuccessful. Lord Gautama Buddha has also preached various dharma matters related to marriage. Buddhism mainly mentions that it is appropriate for a woman or a man to get married when they reach the appropriate age. Otherwise, that person should be a monk.In Buddhism, marriage is the civilised union of husband and wife. The 03rd precept of penance has not interfered with the happiness of husband and wife.
But in Buddhism, husband and wife relationships are allowed without illusions. Buddhism has given people the opportunity to marry without misbehaviour, raise children in a civilised manner and live a lovely life. Buddhism has never influenced people to live their lives with righteousness and protect them and raise pious children.
Not only that, there are reasons why a woman is attracted to a man and a man is attracted to a woman in Buddhism. All of that is based on the psychological attraction towards the opposite sex. It is because of all these facts that Buddhism has allowed married life.
When they see some husband and wife couples, they say, "These two are two people who have come to the world looking for each other." What does Buddhism say about that?
Lord Buddha preached about this matter in the Nakula Sutra. Nakula Mata and Nakula Pita lived as good and healthy husband and wife until they reached old age. Even in the afterlife, these two had a desire to live as husband and wife in a harmonious, friendly and healthy way. Thinking like this, they went to Lord Buddha and asked what we should do to live like this in the next life.
Not only that, Nakula Mata and Nakula Pita made a wish that they would be able to live like this in the future as well. Lord Buddha told them that husband and wife should be equal in 04 things. That means faith,sila, generosity and wisdom. Definitely, both husband and wife have the same sensibility.
For example, the vision of the beautiful sight of a flower should be the same for both. The sila should be equal for both husband and wife. The secret is that both the husband and wife have a character. Generosity refers to the couple being generous to themselves and others. Wisdom refers to both husband and wife having the same wisdom. Buddhism states that if a husband and wife have these things, they will be husband and wife in this world as well as in the hereafter.
It is also explained in Buddhism that if a husband and wife wish with one heart to seek the sasara, that wish will be fulfilled.
In a family life, the mutual trust of husband and wife is lost and sometimes doubts arise. How does Buddhism express such doubts?
Suspicion arises when the inequalities between husband and wife increase. Buddhism says that faith is the best relative, meaning there is no better relative than faith. Therefore, husband and wife must work with each other in a reliable and understanding manner. If husband and wife work with mutual trust and mutual understanding, there will be no room for suspicion.
In the past, husband and wife in our villages used to call each other brother and sister with a very loving kinship. Through that address, the credibility of each other's lives was maintained. Therefore, this doubt can be called a problematic situation arising from a social psychological aspect. If understanding and trust are made the basic foundation of married life, doubt will not arise.
What are the roles of husband and wife to build a good family corporation as shown in Buddhism?
In the Sigalovada Sutra, Lord Buddha has mentioned the duties and responsibilities of husband and wife. The Sigalovada Sutra explains the duties of a husband to his wife and the duties of a wife to her husband. The husband should respect his wife through award and respect.
Likewise, the wife should not be humiliated. In the ancient Indian Brahmin society, women were given a lower position. Similarly, the motherhood of the woman was not given due respect. Even so, Buddhism always gave women the respect they deserve. Anavamana Naya refers to not humiliating the wife in this way. At that time, in the Indian social system, honouring the man had become a custom in the social system itself.Therefore, the woman at that time performed the respect and sacrificial care required by her husband in a unique way. In the patriarchal social system at that time, women did not surpass men.
But Buddhism explains about the wife protecting the husband's resources, entertaining his relatives and friends, etc. Thus, if the contents of Sigalovada Sutra are followed properly, a good family corporation can be built.
Nowadays, divorces can be seen even before a year of marriage. Why do such situations occur in society?
Today's society is highly competitive and commercialistic. There, mutual understanding and trust breaks down and inequality between husband and wife increases. Also, modern society has a hypersexual social pattern. In the past, science, art and religion were combined to create Ruwanweli Saya. But how many people can use modern wisdom to do something good? Every person has flaws.
No one in this world is perfect. But when living married life as husband and wife, it is more valuable to make decisions based on mutual trust and understanding. If husband and wife work in such a way, divorce will not occur.
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